Glass houses

People with mental illnesses should take care not to get stressed out over the festive season, the SA Depression and Anxiety Group said.

The Christmas holidays could be stressful for anyone, the organisation said.

But for people with illnesses such as depression or bipolar disorder, it could lead to a worsening of symptoms.

"Remember that your health comes first and if crowds and huge get-togethers aren’t your thing, opt to go to the smaller gatherings instead," the organisation said.

If large gatherings were unavoidable, sufferers should always have an exit strategy.

Yes they should be made to sit in white rooms with no furniture and definately no christmas decorations or cheer...besides they just get in the way when you are trying to scurry about the shopping centres looking for last minute gifts anyway...

Have a merry Christmas...the Grinch

Stupid is as stupid does

I watched an episode of Mr Bean recently – yes slapstick, cringe worthy entertainment of the highest order…and like the marmite love it or hate it phenomenon you either want to strangle the guy for the satisfaction of seeing those bulging eyes of his, well pop out of his oval shaped head, or you like him so much, like my grandfather did, that your false teeth fall onto the floor amid a coughing fit as you struggle to breath and saliva gets caught travelling down the wrong passage…general chaos ensues.

Beanmans afore mentioned episode sees the goofy looking fellow packing for a well deserved holiday…What exactly does Mr Bean do for a job anyway?

Basically he realises that he has a small suitcase and therefore makes various packing adjustments to ensure that the bare necessities aren’t left behind…he snaps a tooth brush in half squeezes out half the toothpaste - that sort of malarkey…he also cuts his chinos at the knees to turn them into knickerbockers before he realises that lying underneath he already owns a pair…yes mind the false teeth folks…

Anyways stupidity on that level you would think very difficult to find in the real world.

You would be WRONG!

I stumbled upon a list of holiday complaints – real- and cringe worthy, like Mr Bean in Church….or Borat and his fat hairy Russian friend wrestling nude and then running into the convention sentre in the hotel they are staying at! Or any Borat scene for that matter…stick a needle in my eye I cannot watch that stuff!

I decide to create a nutter rating out of 10 – being nuttier than Black Cat peanut butter!

Mr Bean 7

Borat 8

Britney Spears 6

Elton John 7

Hitler 10

Julius Malema 6

No1 on the list was a woman, who briefly after checking in, returned to the reception desk clutching a travel brochure. She pointed out that the bedspread in her room did not match the one in the brochure.

The receptionist pointed out that the hotel had recently been refurbished with all new accessories, however the woman was not satisfied until an old matching bedspread was found to replace the one in her room….nutter rating 6

2) A man took the time to write in and complain that no one had informed him that there were fish in the sea, and his children had been caught unaware and were now extremely frightened.

Nutter rating 6

3) A man on a safari honeymoon complained that the lodge overlooked a watering hole where elephants could often be spotted.

Apparently not, after one of the elephants became aroused, the man was left feeling inadequate for the rest of his holiday, ruining his honeymoon.

Nutter rating..Elton John me thinks 7

4) One couple sent a formal complaint to the airline stating that it was unacceptable that it took them nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England and it only took the Americans three hours to get home.

Nutter rating Mr Bean 7

5) A young woman left an unhappy comment upon leaving a beach resort claiming that all topless sunbathing on the beach should be banned. Apparently her holiday was a complete waste because her husband spent all day looking at other women

Nutter rating 5

7) Staff at a well-known hotel thought it was odd that a woman never left her room, but they didn't interfere. Eventually the woman emerged and stormed to reception shouting that she was going to call the police - the irresponsible staff had locked her in her room and ruined her whole holiday! In reality, she had simply mistaken the "Do not disturb" sign for a warning to stay in the room.

Nutter rating 8

8) One couple were horrified to be placed in a double-bedroom instead of the twin-bedroom that they had booked. They now hold the hotel directly responsible for the fact that the woman is pregnant. Apparently it would never have happened if they had been put in the room that they had booked.

Nutter rating 6

Patri-not

Eight years after a US-led invasion ousted the Taliban from power in Afghanistan (Really?) the war-ravaged state is the most dangerous place in the world for a child to be born, the United Nations said on Thursday….love it, the almighty UN is now just nothing more than a glorified research agency.

Methinks a name change is in order…No Brainier Institute of research (NBI), along with a tag line: Ineffective mediator…coming through ineffective mediator here.
It is especially dangerous for girls, the United Nations Children's Fund (UNICEF) said (do ya think?), Barcelona football team would be embarrassed by that statement…its like saying Ronaldo is a fair player.
Afghanistan has the highest infant mortality rate in the world - 257 deaths per 1,000 live births – that is astounding.

"Afghanistan today is without a doubt the most dangerous place to be born," Daniel Toole (If the name suits), UNICEF regional director for South Asia said…USA! USA! Don’t forget to put a flag in the ground, beat your chests and declare a national holiday…good work and high fives all round.

Some 43% of the country is now virtually off-limits to aid agencies due to insecurity, according to Tool (I decided to drop the e)…and they say that this almighty US-led invasion ousted the Taliban from power in Afghanistan? Only 57% of it they did.

Some 317 schools in Afghanistan were attacked in the past year, killing 124 and wounding another 290, Tool said…USA! USA!…go on send Bette Midler over for Christmas to cheer up the lads, or perhaps Will Farrell to make lite of the situation, you know keep morale up and all that..Hank the Tank! Hank the Tank! "You all make so proud to be an American…that’s a riot…that’s a laugh riot!

Yes yes, I know that it isn’t the Americans who are attacking these schools, but it may as well be…

If it bleeds, we can kill it…Arni, now governor in the USA USA once said that.

"We have seen a drop in the number of children who are attending schools and particularly young girls," he added.

Without a doubt quote of the day!

"How was school today Ikky Ikky Achput? "It was ok, Mohammad who sits next to me in bomb making class got blown up while trying to fuse his ammonium nitrate bomb, I got an A for cluster bomb making, and Muna, Yasir and Hidi all got shot when they strayed too far from the playground.

"I was thinking that perhaps I might astay at home tomorrow, you know in case I get killed or something like that… Can I have some humus with that Pita bread?"

School enrolment in Afghanistan had risen to 5 million, including 2 million girls, against 1 million with virtually no girls in 2001 when the Taliban were ousted from power, he said.

USA!USA! From being a patriotic myth, the Russian people have become an awful reality. Leon Trotsky said that…

As I write this blog the headline on the Beeb wesite: President Barack Obama orders 30,000 more US soldiers to Afghanistan but also spells out an exit strategy.

Ooh-rah –used by the marines as greeting or as an expression of enthusiasm – how about bollocks!

Repeat after me, This is my rifle, There are many like it, but this one is mine, without my rifle I am nothing, without me, my rifle is nothing…

more...

Daniel Day Lewis in most of his Films...Gangs of New York comes to mind
As does Little Bill Daggett, played by Gene Hackman in Unforgiven
Hitman Anton Chigurh (Javier Bardem) in No Country for Old Men was intense
The dude from Zodiac was also in the same vein as Bardem, but of course we never got to find out who he was...his tying up of that couple by the lake and then stabbing them was the work of a sick heinous man.

And the winner is?

I watched Rob Roy the other night. It was the first time I had been able to watch the film from start to finish as previous attempts had really put me off.

Why? Well that character played by Tim Roth was nothing short of repulsive, the whole raping incident, and pompous British attitude…no offence to the Brits of today (I loved my time there and there is the small matter of my God child being very British thanks to her, well very British, but lovely super mummy), but back when they were trying to take over the world…South Africa included…but only much later…they were horrible arrogant creatures…

The movie has some memorable quotes, the highlight of which comes from this most despicable of characters…Archibald Cunningham…need I say more?

Duke of Argyll: So, Mr. Cunningham, what are these principle sins that distress your mother? Dice? Drink? Or are you a buggerer of boys?
Archibald Cunningham: It is years, Your Grace, since I buggered a boy... And in my own defense, I must add, I thought him a girl at the moment of entry.

Archibald Cunningham: Love is a dung hill, Betty, and I am but a cock that climbs upon it to crow.

It did make me question who the most despised characters in the history of Film making were?

I don’t mean the cool bad guys like Arnold Schwarzenegger in original Terminator, or The kurgin in Highlander, or Agent A Smith from the Matrix, or Darth Vader and Hannibal Lecter but, a character that makes your skin crawl, that does such a brilliant job of making you hate him…

Amon Goeth played by Ralph Fiennes in Schindler's List is right up there.

And A - Alex - Malcolm McDowell in Clockwork Orange, weren’t they horrible things…

Annie Wilkes, played by Kathy Bates in Stephen Kings' Misery was a complete nutter.

That little grease ball in Pretty Woman was a real little piece of work too.

Tommy DeVito - Joe Pesci in Goodfellas and also in Casino
Gunnery Sergeant Hartmanin Full Metal Jacket

Sitting on the fence is - John 'Jack' Daniel Torrance, played by Jack Nicholson in the Shining, thanks to his performance it ranks as my best horror.

Any others you can think of?

I can recall…

I saw a photo of my toddling God daughter with a mobile phone attached to her ear the other day, she looked so cute, so grown up. It got me thinking, what stories would uncle Gareth be telling little Isobel one day when she is a little older? What pearls of wisdom might I be able to shed on this budding princess?

I can recall my dad recounting days of nothing but hardship… stories of being so poor that he had to nail leather studs into his football boots before a trial match to represent his province, which he dually did, the smug bastard…. "Its not the tools Gareth…" - I can still hear those words ringing in my ears…

A regular Sunday barbeque on my uncle's farm would always have the men standing over the fire like zombies, the elderly statesmen recounting tales Of guess what? hardship, that’s right…"I was so poor that I walked ten miles to school each day, bare foot, and with my two younger sisters on my back…it was uphill both ways…

Some unfortunate relative would always end up with tears in his eyes, served him right for standing in the path of the billowing smoke….idiot!

My uncle would say: "We couldn't afford land, so we stayed in a tin can, at the bottom of the river…it was wet and cold," no shit.

My dad would say that when he got his first car, he couldn’t afford petrol, so he used to go round to all the petrol stations and empty out the petrol that was left in the pipes…"They all knew me, in my sky blue ford Anglia" he would say.

And then for fun, he would take my mo out for a drive on a Friday night and then find a spot on the side of the road, to watch the cars go buy as a form of entertainment….Nothing was too good for my mom…

Good times no-doubt.

Well you see young Isobel, when uncle Gareth was younger, we had to run to get the telephone, and sometimes we missed it cause we were outside, and the telephones was attached to a plug and well it was a nuisance.

When I was at university, we used to have to wait 15 minutes to download an image of a topless woman…we just didn’t know quite what else the internet was for in those days, it was way before Google, you are so lucky you have Google…

And Facebook? We didn’t dream of such easy ways to chat with our friends Isobel, we had to ride to our friend's house on our bicycles if we wanted to speak to them, sometimes we got a puncture and we would have to push our bikes home…but those were the times we learnt about character…Sometimes it even rained…in fact we were so poor that we were made in China.

Sometimes we would go for family walks cause we couldn’t afford a car…my sister would pick up a rock and my mom would snap.."put that down And (we couldn’t afford the y at the end of her name) we cant afford that."

When I was growing up we couldn’t afford pearls, or their wisdom, I thought nietzsche was a type of orange (Thanks Google), Marx I thought came in the middle of 'on your' and 'get set' before a running race, and Plato I thought was a planet.

So hear is something I stole…

Anthemgate – recall the flourbomb

It had to be the most bizarre start to a rugby test match I have ever seen, well certainly since the infamous Flour Bomb Test in New Zealand during the Apartheid years in 1981 when some nutter flew a light aircraft over Eden Park during the third and decisive test match between South Africa and New Zealand dropping flour bombs on the field throughout the game, even landing to refuel.
The afore mentioned nutter even managed to fell Kiwi prop forward Gary Knight – good night if you like.
Lets be honest though, how accurate are you going to be trying to fly a plane solo while dropping flour bombs from several hundred feet?
March on approximately 28 years and some Rasta idiot Dumisani Ras, absolutely butchered the national anthem before the 20-13 Test match defeat to France, on Friday, and then even had the temerity and voice to say he thought he had "sung beautifully". The bloke ensconced in dreadlocks and his 'drummer' band, well just a drummer actually had clearly been smoking as per his religious ja duties compel him to do…sure Rasta man its hard life? 'Ja' my bru.
He screamed, shouted, added new words, forgot others, sang out of tune while confusion turned to bemusement and finally anger as the 'singer' went from bad to worse. It was like watching an audtion for one of those reality shows....

Questions came flooding in after the event…where did we get this cockroach, this nunu to sing our anthem?
The key was to make sure he could sing…turns out he couldn’t and another biggie was to ensure that he knew the words to an anthem that is sung in four different languages…again he couldn’t!

The pre test tests didn’t stop there… Former French captain Olivier Pelous led some goofy looking kid onto the field to kick a rugby ball on the half way line in commiseration of a French official who had passed away during the week. Cue the fat goofy kid…who proceeded to mis-kick the ball and fall very ungracefully and in the process injure himself. He just lay on the pitch and began to cry much to the embarrassment of Pelous who had to help the hobbling bawling brat off the field.

And then to add insult to injury, it was later revealed that the South African flag was positioned upside-down during the game…Appalling. Surely as a person who has the task of raising the flags should ask just one question and one question only? Is this the right way? LOL
Now I am no genius…not of the Forrest Gump proportions, but surely there is something wrong with a country that has such a complex flag and anthem…but that’s a whole other political debate…
As my math teacher in Standard eight used to say…keep it simple stupid…I am not sure if he was referring to equations or to my constant inability to grasp the subject…

In naval terms an upside-down flag has been used as distress signals in the past, which in the end was the irony of the entire evening, and I fear sometimes in SA, is a sign of the times…

It did make me wonder how Rasta man could be punished for such a heinous act? My immediate thought was to make him the rugby ball for the game…having seen the faces of some of the Springbok players; I bet they would have loved to kick the Rasta out of him. A muppet? Ja

A different world

The heavyweight of all arguments….no not Brittany vs Paris Hilton on Twitter, but rather God vs Darwin, evolution vs religion has resurfaced quite a bit lately…

It got me thinking how far we have come as human beans from the fire obsessed, unwashed, unkept, cave dwelling, beard loving, from behind shagging, animal skins wearing, abacus using, ok that came a bit later, to the current Google worshipping, moon landing, high rise building, I-pod using, gun wielding, raw fish eating sods that currently roam the city landscapes.

I want to get back to the doggy style shagging part…only because I want to illustrate how much we have also changed physically from our ape-like ancestors, to say Bill Gates.

I wonder what physical traits we are likely to see in man in future centuries…

For South Africans, to combat crime I would suggest that our children's children's children might be born resembling a rhino on two legs, well armoured to combat hijackings and various other violent crime that plagues this beautiful country…perhaps no necks too so as not to have that part of our body vulnerable?

And maybe Italians in the future will be born with pointy leather shoes for feet, while Americans will be born with slightly smaller mouths to curb their volume and arrogance? Lets hope so.

I would suggest that the English be born with tea-cup shaped bottom lips and an ability to withstand tremendous heat so that they can forego the whole pick up tea-cup and drink process, and just pop the bag into their mouth, pour the hot water and drink!

Dubai arabs might be made out of brick and steel, depending what side of the oasis you live and that way they can just use their offspring to make buildings and other industry...

Perhaps the Swiss would be made out of cheese, that grows back if you take a bite obviously…I would like to see that happen, neutral? My arse especially when some stranger comes up and takes a bite out of it, or decides to get all artistic with his Swiss army knife…

Any other suggestions?

Gucci cheese couture

Apparently - middle-class shoppers in the UK have been struggling to ride out the recession and have therefore turned to stealing hundreds of millions of pounds of expensive food in an effort to maintain their high standard of living.

Thieving includes items like quality cuts of meat, fresh fish and high-priced cheeses by mostly middle-class women from speciality food and convenience shops, where thefts have risen sharply in the past year.

As the saying goes: put a herring in your bag and you will have luck for a thousand years…well ok there isnt such a saying, but I would like to see a well dressed middle-class woman stealing a fish from a speciality food shop…dressed in Armani and wearing very oversised Prada sunnies…"My good man, would you be ever so kind as to wrap up a cod for me please…actually I will have the bluefin tuna and extra wrapping if you would be so kind as I wouldn’t want the smell to riun my very expensive Gucci bag…theres a good chap." Toodleoo I am off…

Thousands of retailers have found that luxury foods are being stolen for individual use rather than to be sold on.

Research found that shoplifting in Britain has increased in the past year by nearly 20 per cent to almost £5 billion, £750 million more than in 2008.

Clothing and fashion accessory shops were hardest hit, with branded designer goods high on thieves’ shopping lists, closely followed by DIY stores….DIY?

I cannot afford to pay for my Porshe, but the wall in the bathroom looks ghastly…perhaps a splash of 'chocolate muffin brown will do the trick. I will set a reminder on my I-phone to run down the DIY later to shoplift a 25 litre can of paint."

Neil Matthews, a spokesperson for the research said: "We are seeing more instances of amateur thieves stealing goods for their own personal use rather than to sell on than before,” he said.

“This is epitomised in the recent uprising of the middle-class shoplifter, someone who has turned to theft to sustain their standard of living. I suppose people want to carry on with their lifestyle but cannot afford the expensive cheeses, fresh cuts of meat or nice fish that they used to be able to afford and now they just take it."

I say you there with the white apron and funny hat, I would like to try some of your Podolico: (The World's Most Expensive Cheese. Pound for pound, it costs almost as much as silver,. The cheese is so expensive because it is so rare. Podolico cattle only provide milk in May and June) Just a little more, say a kilo….there's a good chap! Oh would you be a dear and point out the alcohol counter, I do fancy a quaff of Moet…darling…Ciao

Brokeback mobile texting

So apparently Men have become so openly affectionate with each other using mobile technology they've taken to signing off text messages to male friends with a kiss (x), giving rise to a new generation dubbed "Metrotextuals".

Whaaaaat?…no no no never….

"Howzit Gareth…wannacome over for a braai, get hammered, and watch the Rugby later? Xxx John" - SEND

"Hey John…don’t ever contact me again …get fucked…thanks…Gareth" SEND SEND SEND!!!!

I have never accepted that word, Metrotextual - therefore I will not tolerate its ethos, no matter how innocent…including x x x to my china plates.

Yes, just like Julius Malema and the word hermaphrodite, or lack thereof in his home language of Phedi, I am sticking my head in the sand on this one. Its just not done…like kissing your mates ex-girlfriend, or using his shaving kit.

Its not like girls who can share just about anything with each other, clothes, make-up kisses over text…men have codes that need to be upheld…man er codes if you like.

I still cant even bring myself to watch BrokeBack Mountain for goodness sakes…Look what happens when you have two mates sitting round a campfire next to a brook with beautiful horses in the background…

New research reveals nearly a quarter of men (22%) regularly include a kiss on texts to their male mates.
"Metrotextuality" is most widespread among 18-24 year old males with three quarters (75%) regularly sealing texts with a kiss and 48% admitting that the practice has become commonplace amongst their group of friends.

What is the world coming too? I have seen men acting all feminine in the past and generally they have been surrounded by good looking girls…perhaps the ladies feel less intimidated around these guys who aren’t picturing them naked or drooling into their beers…staring at their cleavage. I actually used to think that the metrosexual types were quite clever, wearing thousand rand t-shirts, smelling better than girls and with more hair products than the Jackson five, therefore standing a better chance than the beer spilling non blinking pervert in the corner..

Nearly a quarter of this age group (23%) even appreciate an "x" in a text exchange from people that aren't close friends….I was obviously very wrong.
But it's not just younger men that have become Metrotextuals - one in 10 men over 55 often completes a text to another male with a kiss, according to the poll…This is like swine flu….its very catchy.
The research also revealed there's a certain etiquette within metrotextuality – why not just keep it too a secret handshake?

A lower case "x' is the preferred sign-off for most (52%) compared to 17% for a bolder upper case X), with one in three sharing the love in a big way with multiple lower case kisses (xxx)….I will say it again….SECRET HANDSHAKE!

Clinical psychologist, Ron Bracey, said that men have traditionally been reluctant to share their emotions with friends and tended to keep their feelings bottled up.

Amen…don’t say another word…Ron!

"However, (noooo why Ron why?) the advent of mobile phones and social media means more communication is done non-verbally, and through this it seems men can more easily share their feelings with others - especially their male friends," Bracey said in the statement.

Confirmed Metrotextual Nick Kirkham, aged 25, who works in insurance, said he and his friends have been sending kisses to each other for years…confirmed? Like an alcoholic? Hi I am Nick and I have been a metrosexual for six years now…Nick also has a lisp can he say metrosexual with a lithsp? Metro…that’s easy..thexsual…well done Nick, now go and fetch me a beer, and don’t even think about taking your phone with you!

"In fact, apart from my boss or a work client, there's no one I wouldn't send a kiss on text to," he said….How about Stone Cold Steve Austin? Or Chuck Norris? Yeah I thought so shud up!

There is something just not quite right about sending your mate a x/kiss via text…you wouldn’t kiss him when you meet up for drinks, unless you were hammered and South Africa just won the World Cup football final against England, or the Rugby World Cup in New Zealand, against the All Blacks…a quick peck on the cheek just because he happened to be the nearest person to you might, might be acceptable, and even then might attract funny looks from the rest of the group, or troop or herd LOL.

I just don’t spend all that much time in the mirror, doing my hair, or culling my pubic hairs in some artistic shape, like those hedge designers…I will not pay a grand for a t-shirt and my hair falls flat when I run my fingers through it…

Am I alone on this one, like a cuppa coffee in the Sahara?

Whistle while you wee-wee

I have been told that I have a nice….er whistle!
I recently found myself whistling a merry tune….and it got me thinking….which immediately raised my eyebrows, as I moved the tune to a higher note…as if to raise a question! Apparently raising ones eyebrows helps one to stay on pitch and in tune?

People who say that whistling is not an art are dillusional - the whistle range start at a high "E" above a high "C"? Its called the Whistle Register and most people cannot achieve that.

I wonder how many times I have come up with an award winning tune and didn’t even know it, whistling the next broadway winner or operatic genius while fixing a broken chain on my bike, or standing in the shower?
It also got me thinking…what is the most whistled tune in the world ever? Monty Pythons - 'Bright side of life'? The spaghetti western classic….the one when Clint stares his opponents down as he rides into town!
The wolf whistle – made very popular by Italians? Is that even a tune though? I would suggest it is!
Christmas Carols also provide ammunition for bourgeoning whistlers…
What tune do I whistle the most? 'Wow' - he says with a long drawn out whistle! I will get back to you on that one!

I know whistling can be annoying especially when the person is unaware they are actually doing it when performing a mindless task which then translates into a tuneless whistle – generally referred to as a pucker whistle, the most common form of whistling used in most Western music.
But, and this is a big But, it can also be very beautiful…

It brings me to my current most annoying thing…men (cant speak for woman – so perhaps there a few tales they might like to share?)
There are men who moan at the urinal and on the loo. Why do men moan or sigh when they aim at the urinal? It is disgusting and there is no need for it - ever!
Even worse are those men who just about sound like they are on their last legs when taking a number 2? Why? Its not like giving birth so does not require sound effects!

And a note to anyone whistling while at the urinals…never ever whistle the wolf tune!

Hear about the clown who had Coulrophobia?

I have a friend who has a phobia of clowns, its called Coulrophobia ….It stems back from a painting of a clown he had hanging on his bedroom wall, above his bed when he was growing up. The Clown wasn’t smiling and there is something very sinister about a clown who has nothing to smile about…
The word clown comes from words meaning "clot" or "clod" which came also to mean "clumsy fellow".
There is a saying that humour mostly has a victim but when its not funny the only victim is the comedian? Is that why clowns wear funny noses and big shoes? Plan B anyone!
"I know can you guess whats in my pocket"? Er no thanks Bozo I would rather not…can you keep it tidy please there are kids about you know?

I think my friend has a point…sometimes there is just something, well not quite right about a man who dresses up in strange goofy attire, wears huge shoes, dons a red nose and calls himself an entertainer of children… Oh and also, why are there so few woman clowns? clownettes?

According to some phobia studies, an estimated 20 to 30% of the entire population find clowns scary, or at least a little unsettling.
A common theory as to why a number of people find clowns scary involves a connection between the presence of clowns and a personal trauma suffered during early childhood. For a young child, a circus can create a sensory overload with all of its unusual sights, sounds and smells. Heavy makeup, colourful costumes and over sized er shoes? Can become very unnerving to a child.

There is also the concept of what role clowns play in society. According to the established "rules," children have the right to behave as children and adults have the responsibility to act like adults. Some people find clowns scary because they are permitted, even encouraged, to become adults acting like children.
Subconscious fears of molestation by a masked or disguised attacker may be one reason some people find clowns scary.
Clowns are often portrayed as emotionally unstable or even psychotic in many forms of media. The idea of a "killer clown" has been used in horror films and novels for decades.

There are actual treatment centres, which specialize in treating coulrophobia and other unusual social phobias.
So what does treatment usually involve? Group sessions of call and response? "Hi everyone my name is Gareth and I am terrified of clowns"…"Hi Gareth." "Ive been clown free for seven years now...Its been that long since my last visit to the circus." "Yay, well done" loud clapping ensues...."Not too loud everyone" - the shrink - "we dont want to take him to that dark place again..."

The session could involve the group beating on some bloke wearing a clown costume…lets call him…an actor, Jerry…"Thanks for your time Jerry, sorry about the nose bleed…remember you saved lives here today…you are a good man Jerry!"

As someone once said: "To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kind of scary. I've wondered where this started and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus, and a clown killed my dad.”
I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.”
Thanks folks I am here all week!

Heavenly send off

What is that saying about two certainties…death and taxes....Or Death is the surest calculation that can be made?
Morbid you may say for a midweek conversation, however in Australia they are changing their tune about death…the funeral tune that is.
It appears in Australia, friends and family are hell bent on a good old musical send off for the dearly departed…

Apparently Highway to Hell, with lyrics including "Going down, party time", is among a number rock classics, including Led Zeppelin's Stairway to Heaven, that are replacing traditional hymns in Adelaide.
Funeral managers at Centennial Park, the largest cemetery and crematorium in the city, said only two hymns still rank among its top 10 most popular funeral songs: Amazing Grace and Abide With Me.
Leading the funeral chart is crooner Frank Sinatra's classic hit My Way followed by Louis Armstrong's version of Wonderful World.
The Led Zeppelin and AC/DC anthems rank outside the top 10, but have gained ground in recent years as more Australians give up traditional Christian hymns.
"Some of the more unusual songs we hear actually work very well within the service because they represent the person's character," Centennial Park chief executive Bryan Elliott said.
Among other less conventional choices were Always Look on the Bright Side of Life by Monty Python, Ding Dong the Witch is Dead from the Wizard of Oz, Hit the Road Jack, Another One Bites the Dust by Queen and I'll Sleep When I'm Dead.

I am a big Pixies fan so no helleluyas for me, I would request "This monkeys gone to Heaven" when I decide to kick the bucket, or when someone decides to go ahead and kick it for me!

I think Winston Churchill got it just about right: "I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter."

The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time. ~Mark Twain
Amen, or something like that…choose your own variation in the spirit of life!

The Voice of celebrity!

I can hear the man, who many refer to as “the voice” of nature documentaries Sir David Attenborough: "Ah what do we have here? Its the very 'Common Paris Hilton', best known for its socialising, and promiscuous behaviour. A very docile creature that spends a lot of time on its back, mating. The Common Paris, as it is also known, is a nocturnal creature with distinct markings, a fake tan.
The world has finally bowed down to the celebrity…they are worshipped on Twitter, Facebook and the like by millions of people, and all other social media sites on an unparalleled level. Governments are lucky to get 30% voting turnouts, but these sites are inundated with people who want to know what Brittany Spears had for breakfast, or what Justin Timberlake thinks about football's offside rule.
Data from Compete.com to compare various social sites traffic found that Facebook has a growth of more than 200 percent in average unique monthly visitors. (Facebook itself releases data on the number of active users, which it estimates at 300 million, which, if it were a country, would be the world's fourth largest.)
Twitter was next 23.5 million, but with exponential growth of 660 percent. LinkedIn clocked in last at 15 million, and a still-respectable 85 percent growth rate.
Millions of people go online every second to celebrity worship. In fact a recent survey in the UK asked young kids what they wanted to be when they grew up? A spaceman? A cowboy? A firefighter? A politician? A lawyer? David Hasselhoff? Just kidding. Nope none of those…85% said they wanted to be a celebrity! The rest wanted to be in a band…
What does it mean to be a celebrity? Paris lives off the fame and coat tails of her dad the Hilton Hotel magnate, while Jade Goodey (RIP) proved that any Joe Bloggs off the street could become a celebrity too if you were a big enough and entertaining idiot.
The reality TV show is a chance for average Joe to get his or her five minutes of fame, to do something so outrageous so as to make their fame last longer….
There are plenty of other ways now to thanks to the Internet and social media….Youtube postings, viral media etc…
And of course celebrities fight whitened tooth and fake nail to stay on top of the pile and remain in the minds of the hungry masses, hence we know via twitter that Fergie of the Black Eyed Peas has a piece of dried appricott stuck in her teeth after eating her breakfast, and that Ashton Kutcher likes to lick Demi Moores left nipple!
Why else would celebrities name their offspring Moon Unit, Dweezle (Thanks Frank Zappa, er dad) or Apple? Its to get attention silly, and to give their children a head start in the world of celebrity!
My advice to kids is get a real job, you will not have the emptiness that these stars have when they reach the end of their sell by date! It may not be champers at the click of a finger, but your moral fibre will enrich you everyday and you will feel blessed for it!
Can you diggit?

Having my bread and cake

So one of the funniest things I ever heard was listen to George W Bush foul up a famous quote by a previous president good old Abe Lincoln, who said: "You can fool some of the people all the time and you can fool all of the people some of the time but will never able to fool all the people all the time.
"You can fool, all of the people, some…" Bush began, before stopping for a brief pause, and starting again… "You can fool some of the people all the time and you can fool some of the people all of the time but will never able to fool some of the people all the time," he said pausing again to realize his mistakes, before deciding to call it a day and move on!

One of the quotes I have always thought to be a classic and have used to great effect, is: "Let them eat cake". - Marie Antoinette. In fact, she actually said "Let them eat bread", apparently.

However, why ruin a good thing,I am going to pretend that she muttered the former under her breath anyway, to be heard by her muse or foot attendatnt, or cat minder or whoever it was that was closest to her and thus became famous, although perhaps not altogether official.

That’s sorted then! Well not really… Some sad individual is hell bent on having his cake and eating it on this matter, and even eating mine in the process…

If they have no bread, let them eat cake….
("S'ils n'ont plus de pain, qu'ils mangent de la brioche.")

Apparently brioche is not cake, it's a kind of fancy bread, and it wasn't Marie Antoinette who said this, according to some bent nosed twat.
It was actually a quote from Jean-Jacques Rousseau's autobiography, Confessions, in which he wrote: "At length I recollected the thoughtless saying of a great princess, who, on being informed that the country people had no bread, replied, "Then let them eat brioche!"

Rousseau doesn't name the "princess", and Marie Antoinette didn't arrive at Versailles until 1770, three years after Rousseau had written the above passage. So if there ever actually was a "great princess" who said this, it could not have been Marie then, apparently…said who? LOL

Rodney Dangerfield once said: I was such an ugly baby. My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.

Cars and girls? no just cars

One would think that our ministers and cabinet leaders were all due to appear on Top Gear what with their love of cars.
I am in shock over the lack of accountability in this country. Yes we can all argue that all coutries have corrupt politicians, but the difference between those countries and South Africa is that in other countries ministers who are found to be corrupt are weeded out and are held accountable and made examples of.
Not our ministers, however. Oh no. They are celebrated as cadres, or freedom fighters, ANC stalwarts. More importantly, by not having any action taken against them, it leaves them believing that they are untouchable and that is a most dangerous psyche. We all endured the "Blue Light" syndrome over the past few years, with some innocent South African citizens paying with their lives for this act of pure arrogance.

Cars, cars, cars...

KwaZulu-Natal economic development and tourism MEC Mike Mabuyakhulu, according to a Durban newspaper, received an average of R100 000 a month for using his private car for government work.
The paper reported that Mabuyakhulu submitted a bill of R383 618.07 in four months from May to August this year for using his Range Rover.
Mabuyakhulu seems to be part of a list of untouchables which has grown at a ridiculous rate. Here are a few others who come to mind.
Education ministers. This perhaps reveals why our education system is so rotten.
Angie Motshekga - head of basic education. In 2004, the then Gauteng education minister, was fingered for benefiting financially from the trust that she helped to land a stake in the lucrative provincial pension payout contract. There was also proof that the trust did not benefit only from the pension deal, but that it also applied for direct government funding when Motshekga was minister of the Gauteng department of social development and received R750 000 as she vacated that portfolio.
Blade Nzimande - higher education. We all know about his R1.1m luxury vehicle, but he added that he was still a communist and committed to the working class. He said that as an education minister he needed a bigger boot to put his papers in when he took them home to mark them.
Transport Minister Sibusiso Ndebele earlier this year accepted an R1.1m Mercedes Benz S500 from a group of contractors with contracts worth more than R400m in the department.
Perhaps he deserves it after all; he is doing a great job. Well, no, actually BRT is a joke with some of it only being completed after the WC2010. Have you seen the state of our roads and public transport system? A clapped out 1974 yellow Toyota bakkie would be more fitting for our comrade!
On the topic of cars, it recently emerged that Health Minister Aaron Motsoaledi was in the process of buying two Mercedes-Benzes for R1.2m.

Accountability
OK so we have established that our ministers like to drive nice cars. Let's get back to accountability.
Mr Cheune, out ASA chief is the most recent and blinding case of a lack of accountability. I don't want to dwell on this as it has been debated to death, and it finally looks as though he may still have to go following the sponsorship debacle, I wouldn't bet on it. I read somewhere that he drives a Range Rover just in case you were wondering.
Also in the running are Transnet Freight Rail CEO Siyabonga Gama, Eskom CEO Jacob Maroga who recently received a 26.7% salary increase, and SABC's former chief exec Dali Mpofu who received a R11.6m golden handshake. For what? Well you would have to be a fly on the wall in a board meeting to know, but then if I were a fly on the wall, I would far rather be in attendance at the recent Athletics board meeting.
We also have the ongoing corruption trial of Jackie Selebi, who has finally been brought to book, although we may yet see him feature somewhere down the line. Think Mo, or is it Shabir Shaik?
The list goes on, so feel free to add to it below.

Reviving the tache

Apparently sporting a moustache may improve your chances of landing a higher paying job, according to a study commissioned by financial services provider Quicken and the American Moustache Institute which admittedly represents people opting for facial hair…it admits to that? Ha ha
The study found that moustached Americans earned 8.2% more on average than those with beards and 4.3% more than the clean shaven.
The world is indeed a strange place… when I think of the most famous beardy/tache man about, Magnum did a pretty good job in keeping the flame burning, not to close to his face mind… Higgins was a pretty astute tache wearer too. Hitler, Chaplin, Many military personnel, Ghandi, Cowboys, and Dali have all worn a tache with distinction…

Here are some hints and tips and styles you may consider…er ladys can play to if you are able…although I would not be disapointed if you politely declined…
Fu Manchu – long, downward pointing ends, generally beyond the chin;
Handlebar – bushy, with small upward pointing ends. See baseball pitcher Rollie Fingers. Also known as a "spaghetti moustache", because of its stereotypical association with Italian men.
Horseshoe – Often confused with the Fu Manchu style, the horseshoe was possibly popularized by modern cowboys and consists of a full moustache with vertical extensions from the corners of the lips down to the jawline and resembling an upside-down horseshoe. Also known as biker moustache.
Pencil moustache – narrow, straight and thin like a pencil, closely clipped, outlining the upper lip, with a wide shaven gap between the nose and moustache. Also known as a Mouthbrow, worn by John Waters.
Chevron - thick and wide, usually covering the top of the upper lip. NASCAR driver Richard Petty wears a narrow Chevron.
Toothbrush – thick, but shaved except for about an inch (2.5 cm) in the center; associated with Adolf Hitler, Charlie Chaplin, Oliver Hardy, and Robert Mugabe. Also known as a sole stash or a Hitler stash.
Walrus – bushy, hanging down over the lips, often entirely covering the mouth.

Should you find that you wear a tache well, or have a natural talent for it, perhaps the World Beard and Moustache Championships is something you might want to enter..prizes include: the use of a Harley Davidson bike for one day.
Free membership to the Tom Selleck fan club
A porn video (not out on Disk) starring your favourite 70s actor
A mug with your most iconic tach wearer printed on and the word tachelicious underneath
And a free pass from Interpol to go through any major airport cause lets face it it, you probably look like a dodgy phucker.

It is advised that the goatie is not considered a beard, nor a tache, so avoid it at all costs…it looks silly...always, never an exception, unless you want to be ridiculed behind your back…like ginger people.

The Internet rainbow

Back in the day, the 90's actually, I can remember sitting at my desk at school on a hot summer afternoon, picking old chewing gum off my seat and scratching the results of someone's picked nose off the table top with my blue shatterproof chewable ruler, bored out of my wits, wondering when the time would come that we could magically know the answer to anything…
Well that time is here, but some of the answers have been, well odd to say the least and, even disturbing…If you go down to the woods today your are in for a farking BIG SURPRISE…

The Internet is the new all Seeing Eye, all? Really? So it has a beginning, but not and end then? Surely not? And where does it end? I hope it doesn’t end with… Boytaurs!

Before I contine please let it be known that I found this by complete accident and believe it to be the most disturbing thing I have ever seen, ever…yes worse than the time that I saw a bergie/boemalaar take a caramel coloured dump against a wall of a bottle store in Cape Town in broad daylight, by lifting her leg and hooiking up her skirt….

Boytaurs are the end result of Photoshop. They're like centaurs, but rather than having a horses backside, they have an extra set of human legs….go on google it if you dare…
I can only presume that some sick twisted individual overdosed, died, went to some strange place and then fell on an electrical wire to revive him…there is no other explanation.

Other places in the cyber world I try and avoid are sci fi crazies, porn loonies (well mostly) , and religious freaks…

Some sites are crazier than a snakes armpit, but are generally harmless. Take Men's Long Hair Hyperboard as an example: It’s a place for men to discuss growing, washing, brushing, and wearing long, luxurious locks. Many of the posts take on a defiant tone and mention things like "fighting the good fight," which, we assume, means not getting a haircut.

Here is a brief expert of the plight of a poor longhaired soul…

Hello all,
I have a big problem. My hair look shiny and pretty healthy but... when I touch it , it feel dramatically DRY ! Especially on the end.
I have tried many things but didn't work...
Here is my routine:
Gently brushing my hair before washing it -> baby shampoo (that mustn't be hard with hair right?) -> a lot of conditioner -> cold rinse -> towel dry a bit -> hair dry.
Once dry I put a small amount of olive oil in my hair and I gently finger comb and brush my hair gently.
You who have soft hair please help me…. unhappy face…LOL

Oh and to answer the original question…I do not know where the Internet superhighway begins or ends… A Google search on how many sites on the internet? Netcraft put the total of sites on the net at 182 million in 2008, but this is no place to be conservative…I got 120,000,000 pages all claiming to provide the answer alone…
Hell Paris Hilton can be seen on 46,400,000 million pages, Obama features on 79,500,000 pages, and the topic of news fetches 2,610,000,000 results, but I will keep in mind that there is a difference between web pages and a web site!

I suspect that waiting at the end of the Internet rainbow would not be some little leprechaun with a pot of gold…well no ordinary leprechaun anyway, he might have four legs, long hair, rant on about his deity, and be a Trekkie, but I would still like to think that he might just say 'top of da morning too ya' and 'tirty tree and a turd'…I am not ready for the other stuff just yet!

Have a nice weekend and be careful how you go…

Seven minute abs

So apparently the shower radio has emerged as the worst household gadget of all time. The survey was conducted among 3000 women. Having used one in a shower at shared house during my time in the UK (it belonged to one of my housemates), I can go along with that, as it often let in water, swamping the batteries, it was impossible to pick up reception, and the quality of sound prevented any real appreciation for it, over and above the water noise.
Second in the survey came battery-powered candles, while the electric nail file was third. Wow those sound like a horror show…thankfully I have never come in contact with either.
Next on the list is the SodaStream fizzy drink maker …now I have some objections here. When I was a kid it was so much fun playing with the soda stream maker, using different flavours, over gassing etc… The survey found the greatest household gadget to be the television. Eight out of 10 women said they could not live without it. In the best gadgets list, the microwave was second and the vacuum cleaner third.Pancake maker, the Fondue set and Egg slicer all came in the top ten for the worst…Egg slicer? Ha ha why?
Some others I thought of that didn’t feature were the foot spa? Rubbish…The abs belt, or most exercise at home gadgets? Rubbish the lot of them…remember the seven-minute abs guy…well try the six-minute abs…exactly! Rubbish!
I pretty cool gadget was the little appliance that you plugged into an apple to remove its core…happy seedless eating…I thought that was a pretty handy 'useless' gadget!
Bread maker? That’s what grannies are for, how do you think they get arthritis in their hands?Before I withdraw back into my lair, perhaps you can think of one or two not mentioned above. Here are a few Irish inventions that didn’t make it on the list this time, but come highly recommended…

Solar powered flashlight Inflatable dart board Ejector seat in a helicopter Pedal-powered wheel chair Waterproof tea bag
SA has had some cracking gadgets down the years including countless braai odd bins, and the Vuvuzela

Sharper than an orphans crayon

I pulled a face of complete horror when I read that satirist Justin Nurse had stepped down from his Laugh it Off company after being diagnosed with Bell's palsy.Nurse, whose two-year-old daughter Vanilla died a month ago in a car fire, said in a letter to staff that he was at a "dark place".
He said he had a "break down" on Friday and that when he woke up, he could not speak.
He has since been diagnosed with Bell's palsy, a paralysis of the facial nerve which can be triggered by emotional stress."I still know funny," said Nurse. "But no longer have the appetite or energy to laugh at it."

I have blogged before about strange diseases…Trichotillomania – sufferers have the urge to pull out their hair, was my favourite!
My new favourite however, is Cotard’s Syndrome: The sufferer of this disease feels that he or she is dead and non-existent. The sufferer also feels that he/she lost his or her blood or internal organs; the patient even feels that the internal parts are putrefying.

So in the spirit of these strange diseases, I thought it might be a good day to play the True or false game.
Are you sharper than an orphans crayon? (That was all me by the way, not Anne Robinson)…
Are you smarter than a church hall full of boyscouts? Then try this:

Stendhal Syndrome: This is a strange disease in which when the sufferer is exposed to a large amount of beautiful art in a short space of time he would experience dizziness, rapid heartbeat, confusion and hallucinations.
Beauty or the beast?

Capgras Delusion: In this disease, the sufferer becomes convinced that a family member usually spouse has been replaced by an identical looking imposter. He or she refuses to sleep with the imposter. Some victims even second-guess their own reflections in the mirror.
Imposter or the real Mcoy?

Pica: This disease creates an urge to eat things other than food. Sufferers eat substances such as paper, clay, dirt, glue, coal, even faeces and lint. Some Researchers believe that it is due to mineral deficiency, but others say real cause and cure is yet to find.
Eat shit or true?

Genital Retraction Syndrome: Causes the victims to become panicked and frantic. Males think their penis is shrinking, retracting and disappearing into abdomen. Females, think breasts are retracting into the body. Sometimes sufferers believe that it is due to witchcraft. Hocus pocus or the bollocks?

Latah: The sufferer may lose control of their behavior; mimic the speech and actions of the people around them. They obey the commands given to them. For example if they are given a command to hit anybody they will obey it instantly. They actually don’t know what they are doing. Blind man or a bluff?

Wishful thinking

So early this morning I sat bolt upright following one of those dreams where you confuse it for real life.
I was lying in bed with a naked Zooey Deschanel, the Yes Man, and Failure to Launch actress. We were fooling about, joking, not doing the funky chicken, or the wild monkey dance…it was all rather sweet and innocent.
The setting: a dorm room at a very highbrow university because my bed wage huge, the sheets were clean ha ha and the room was 80% mahogany - Yes the detail was immaculate.
The dream must have been semi lucid as I was manipulating what was happening. I had Zooey on a string ha ha, she even laughed at my jokes.
I noticed that I could see Zooey's breasts, and felt rather shy so I moved to pull the sheets over her from my left side to the right, to where she was lying. Just at that moment, I realised that I was actually taking the sheets from Lauren, my real life girly/ladyfriend, who lay on my left, to give to my dream girlfriend…er the girlfriend in my dreams.
I felt so embarrassed, but thankfully Lauren never stirred.

It left me wondering what this dream could mean? A threesome in the offing? In my dreams…

Diamond geezer

I noted with interest today that a 507 carat white diamond was discovered at the historic Cullinan mine near Joburg.
Initial examinations indicate that it is of exceptional colour and clarity, and most likely to be a Type I diamond.
At the same time and by complete coincidence, I read that the real life Lucy from the Beatles' song "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds" has died after a long fight against lupus.
Lucy Vodden died after battling the disease for years.
Vodden came to the attention of John Lennon when the Beatles' young son Julian came home from school one day with a drawing that he said was "Lucy in the sky with diamonds."
The elder Lennon turned it into a psychedelic masterpiece long associated with LSD use.
Julian Lennon reached out to Vodden in recent years as she suffered from the disease.
Lupus is a chronic illness during which the immune system attacks the body's own tissue….ouch
Additional diamond news sees a lavish breakfast, billed as the most expensive in the world, unveiled to mark the start of a West End production.
The £22,000 croissant, coffee and cocktail, created by the makers of Chambord, the French black raspberry liqueur, coincides with the opening of Breakfast At Tiffany's starring Anna Friel.
The meal includes a hand-decorated bejewelled croissant, covered in edible gold and diamonds, Bar le Duc hand-seeded redcurrant jam and a cup of Kopi Luwak coffee washed down with a Chambord and champagne cocktail worth more than £20,000.
The Chambord is served from a bottle of the liqueur encrusted with gold, diamonds and pearls worth 2.4 million US dollars (around £1.5 million) and topped up with Perrier Jouet Belle Epoque champagne. Sounds great but I think I am washing my hair that day…

In other news…Please note that the Gay Pride March will take place on the 3 October starting at 11.00 at the Zoo Lake Sports Club.
The parade will be followed by a march by all those people who wear striped pyjamas to bed on a Tuesday, and then a march by people whose names begin with P, and then followed by owners of red coloured pets…birds are welcome, but fish are advised to remain in their various bowls …
It’s a day for getting over it. You are gay, it is as much accepted now as any other minority group, who would have thought it, gays a minority group?…you are proud, I get that and am proud of you, really!
Can I just say…move on boys, queens and other stereotypical names we straight people like to name you by.
This is not a gay bashing exercise I promise, but you nolonger need to wear tight vests and talk in high pitched voices, its as subtle as a Rhino horn.
You don’t have to do that hand slapping bitch fight thing anymore to show off your sexual preference..ok now I am having a go…

Music and lyrical waxing

Music musings continued…my mom likes country music…Ok not the most riveting opening but I hope you might read on. I don't want to insult my mammies musical taste as country music has rhythm, a great beat and is generally quite entertaining. The muso generally sings about his/her life experience, the death of a dog, or the divorcing of a fifth wife etc and takes us through a journey, no matter how arbitrary.

Here are some cracking titles from the country genre..

I’d Like to Check You For Ticks
I Got Friends in Low Places
I’m So Much Cooler On-Line
I Ain’t As Good As I Once Was, But I’m Good, Once, As I Ever Was
Would You Like Fries With That, (the divorce song)
It’s 5 O’clock Somewhere
I’m Gonna Hire A Wino to Decorate our Home
Whiskey for My Men, Beer for My Horses
Get Drunk and Be Somebody
Jesus Loves You But I Don’t

Don’t say I never give you anything…Go and check out the lyrics…

On a local front, I had the pleasure of listening to a local Afrikaans radio station…my dad would be proud…the other day. A local singer was singing about his liefie Marriane…and how in love with her he was… until he decides he has had enough of his life, being proud and all that and shoots his entire family before taking his own life.
But now that sounds like a country and western song again…

Heep Hop is also generally quite entertaining too..they are always on about money, bling, watches sneakers, cars and the tangible things in life, oh and sex, a whole lot of it.

"I dont know whats better, getting laid or getting paid,I just know when I'm gettin one, the others' gettin away"- KanYe West with Dilated Peoples -"This Way"
"Cuz they're addicted, to what my dick did,the pleasure and pain the wing-ding inflicted"Eazy-E - "Grand Finale" –
"Damn homie, in high school you was the man homie,what the fuck happened to you?"50 Cent-

DJ spin that shit

My colleague has just revealed that he was once a DJ – not a dinner jacket…a Disc Jockey! Power to the vinyl then cause my colleague is sixty plus…
It made me wonder when exactly it was that the first man/woman declared him/herself king of selecting music for a mass audience…
I remember all the times at house parties when there was always one person who took charge of the music…sometimes to great success, but most times to loud boos and and spectacular failure…Come on we have all been there…ramming our personal musical tastes down others throats…
Having no idea when this demy god like job first came into being I decided to wikki wikki Wikipedia it!
The world's first radio disc jockey was Ray Newby, of Stockton, California. In 1909, at 16 years of age, Newby began regularly playing records on a small spark transmitter while a student at Herrold College of Engineering and Wireless, located in San Jose, California, under the authority of radio pioneer Charles "Doc" Herrold.
In 1935, American commentator Walter Winchell coined the term "disc jockey" (the combination of "disc" (referring to the disc records) and "jockey" (which is an operator of a machine) as a description of radio announcer Martin Block, the first announcer to become a star. While his audience was awaiting developments in the Lindbergh kidnapping, Block played records and created the illusion that he was broadcasting from a ballroom, with the nation’s top dance bands performing live. The show, which he called Make Believe Ballroom, was an instant hit. The term "disc jockey" appeared in print in Variety in 1941.
In 1943, Jimmy Savile launched the world's first DJ dance party by playing jazz records in the upstairs function room of the Loyal Order of Ancient Shepherds in Otley, England. In 1947, he became the first DJ to use twin turntables for continuous play. Also in 1947, the Whiskey à Go-Go nightclub opened in Paris, France, considered to be the world's first discothèque, or disco (deriving its name from the French word meaning a nightclub where the featured entertainment is recorded music rather than an on-stage band).
So there you have it…and so it continued and so it is possible that my colleague was a DJ…just perhaps not as I imagine a DJ to look, hawaian shirt buttoned half way up, or white muscle top and dark sun glasses nodding his head continuously, looking for some reaction from the crowd and pointing to the roof, with lips pursed every so often with a disco smile flashing across his self ritious face…Nice one brother!