Footballer David Beckham is the most suitable role model for children, according to a survey of British adults.
Not sure what that says about Britain then? more ems than Scouser Steven Gerard in an interview with Sky Sports after a footie game.
What about the good old days when men were men and women were men…Churchill, Maggie Thatcher (forget golden balls, balls of steel), Lord Horatio Nelson? Hello…the guy had one eye and lost an arm for the cause for goodness sakes…Rule, Britannia! Britannia, rules the waves!
Can you imagine David Beckham going down in folklore as a dominant leader who took Britain to the top of the pile again…er I think not, although a five foot something with a very gay name and even more gay hat had France in the running for a while…
By contrast, the least suitable idols were Homer Simpson, the slobbish, beer-swilling dad, followed by foul-mouthed chef Gordon Ramsay and British Prime Minister Gordon Brown. Now hang on a dang minute…Homer is a great role model…he is great dad, loves his kids, he loves beer, we all love beer, and most of all he adores Marge and provides for his family…
Beckham was rated a "very good" role model by 19% of those surveyed and "good" by 36%.
In second place on the list was David Cameron, the leader of Britain's main opposition Conservative Party..It gets worse then! He is the twat who rides everywhere on a bicycle and who looks like the kid who was bullied at school for being, well a twat.
More than 2,000 people were quizzed for the research, which was carried out online in March by Opinium Research.
But lets get back to Becks…the loveable rogue with a squeaky voice…least people forget that he had an affair with Rebecca Loos, who jerked off a pig… and he has been caught on a dozen occasions eyeing out the LA Laker girls…great role model then.
Metro sexual role models here we come…I bet becks spends more money on grooming products than the set of Sex and the City, and more time in the bathroom than his wife, who cant even see herself in the mirror when she is facing sideways, except all the fake bits…so that would be her lips, her tits and her ass!
Anyway this is making me sound jealous, so I had better stop here. In his defense the man does know a thing or too about football, and marketing…so kudos to him, but role model…I would say more model!So who is my role model I hear you all ask…my diplomatic answer would be moms who raise their kids, doctors who save lives, nurses who make sick people feel better, fireman who save lives, policeman who brave the streets, wives who walk away from their abusing husbands, the list is endless…
Friday, September 18, 2009
Monday, September 14, 2009
Why I love Banana boxes
For all those people born after 1985, look away now.
When I growing up I used to travel down to the Natal South Coast to visit my grandparents during most holidays.
For me, it meant three things – sun, sea, and Readers Digest. My nanna and gramps used to subscribe to the great magazine and had banana boxes full of old editions collected since, well probably the 2nd Great War.
My particular favourites were All in a Day's Work and Humour in Uniform…jokes and real lifers submitted by the readers themselves, amid the true life stories like: I survived 35 days in the forest by eating my brother…
Apparently one of the early stories sent in: A wealthy New Yorker, "dressed in the Abercrombie & Fitch version of What a Man Should Wear in the Wilderness," walks up to a laconic Maine lobsterman. "I see you are using fish bait for lobsters. You think it's good, do you?" he asks. The lobsterman shakes his head. "No, I don't. But the lobsters do."
Brilliant…Since then, readers have sent us over 20 million true stories and jokes, about 100,000 of which have been published.
One of them I read reminded me of my visit to the cinema last night. I had a the unfortunate experience of having to sit infront of two ladies who continued to talk to each other throughout the entire film…OK, not all of it, but it sometimes felt like it…
Do the Right Thing5. Watching a movie recently, I couldn't hear the dialogue over the chatter of the two women in front of me. Unable to bear it any longer, I tapped one of them on the shoulder. "Excuse me," I said. "I can't hear." "I should hope not," she answered. "This is a private conversation."
Anyway, I enjoyed some of the best as edited by RD….
http://www.rd.com/clean-jokes-and-laughs/our-50-funniest-true-stories/article93740.html
When I growing up I used to travel down to the Natal South Coast to visit my grandparents during most holidays.
For me, it meant three things – sun, sea, and Readers Digest. My nanna and gramps used to subscribe to the great magazine and had banana boxes full of old editions collected since, well probably the 2nd Great War.
My particular favourites were All in a Day's Work and Humour in Uniform…jokes and real lifers submitted by the readers themselves, amid the true life stories like: I survived 35 days in the forest by eating my brother…
Apparently one of the early stories sent in: A wealthy New Yorker, "dressed in the Abercrombie & Fitch version of What a Man Should Wear in the Wilderness," walks up to a laconic Maine lobsterman. "I see you are using fish bait for lobsters. You think it's good, do you?" he asks. The lobsterman shakes his head. "No, I don't. But the lobsters do."
Brilliant…Since then, readers have sent us over 20 million true stories and jokes, about 100,000 of which have been published.
One of them I read reminded me of my visit to the cinema last night. I had a the unfortunate experience of having to sit infront of two ladies who continued to talk to each other throughout the entire film…OK, not all of it, but it sometimes felt like it…
Do the Right Thing5. Watching a movie recently, I couldn't hear the dialogue over the chatter of the two women in front of me. Unable to bear it any longer, I tapped one of them on the shoulder. "Excuse me," I said. "I can't hear." "I should hope not," she answered. "This is a private conversation."
Anyway, I enjoyed some of the best as edited by RD….
http://www.rd.com/clean-jokes-and-laughs/our-50-funniest-true-stories/article93740.html
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
The farest of us all
A local website has the following five questions woman really dont like their men asking:
1 - Are you going to be much longer?
She hears : Here I am sitting on my backside waiting in the car, while you are packing the baby’s bag, sorting out the dog, wrapping the birthday present, dealing with YOUR mother’s phonecall, setting the alarm and locking the house. What is taking you so long?
Why does this question irritate women?
This question merely reveals your husband/boyfriend’s complete lack of understanding about what it takes to get ready to go on the road. And this is what makes women angry. Leave it to the man in your life, and you will arrive at the party without a present, without clean nappies for the baby, and to top it all, a call from the alarm company, saying the armed response says the dog is trotting around inside the house and they hope that is what set off the alarm.
I agree with this one, men are impatient and woman take longer because they think of things men dont so well done them.
2 - Don’t you think you should start running again?
A perfectly honest question? but can I just say that it is probably worded wrong...Perhaps a more polite way would be to ask if they would care to join the gym, with you, or take a run together?
Either way if she is getting fat...that concern needs to be aired, surely?
3 - What’s for supper? I think this one is possibly outdated..perhaps a question asked by my dad, but unless my partner has volunteered to cook a meal, that would be the only time I would say..great, what are you cooking?
4 - What was your previous boyfriend like?
4 - What was your previous boyfriend like?
She hears: I don’t like the thought of your being with anyone else, even if I didn’t know you then. I really want to hear that he was a right royal jerk, useless in bed, couldn’t hold down a job and generally disliked by all your family and friends.
Why does this question irritate women?It makes them feel cornered – previous boyfriends are actually private territory and have nothing to do with present relationships. When women are hesitant to discuss previous relationships, men often react as if they are somehow being excluded and as if the woman has something to hide.
I do agree with this one I have to say. Whatever is said about the ex it is never going to make either party happy unless there are lies exchanged ie: he was fat, had acne, a two inch penis, a smelly fish breath and was homeless, but other than that he was a perfect gentlemen. Even then, what does that say about you that she went out with such a loser.
Intriguing as it may be to find out what the ex was like so as to try to compare youself, stay clear if possible, think about the future , unless the boyfriend/girlfriend is still in the picture, in which case deeper more meaningful discussions may be necessary?
5 - Who was that you were talking to?
Now if I have asked this question in the past, it has only been to show interest, or somethimes I can asee that that my partner wants to discuss the call she just had - Otherwise I couldnt care less who she/he was talking too - if they had something to hide, they wouldnt be talking on the phone in such an obvious manner - in other words dump them for being a moron.
I am hoping Zoe and Rebecca and Lollo might be able to add to this list...go on girls -
Here are a few questions that men dont particulalrly like:
Does my bum look big in this?
Do you think she’s pretty? It depends if your bum looks big in what she is wearing ha ha jokes.
Do you love me?
I dont know what to ear - er try something in your cupboard...
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
They even outsource their decisions on outsourcing
The exasperated chairman of Parliaments correctional services committee, Vincent Smith, has expressed concern about the numbers of services the prison departments has been outsourcing.
It transpires that the Department of Correctional Services outsource 886 contracts a year at a total cost of 1.1bn rand.
Smith said that an outsider supplied food for 23m per month. Other items include 5m per month for maintaining TV sets for 159 million rand, 667,000 for internal auditing, 4.95 million for training of junior middle managers etc.
Smith's exasperation came when he and his committee were told by officials that even a decision as to whether or not outsourcing was the best option for supplying services in prisons was itself outsourced to a private consultant at a cost of 1.1 million rand…
I am at loss for words..and do not have the energy to challenge this mindset…snigger snigger
Headline of the day…
Beer-drinking Muslim model wins caning reprieve
A Muslim model sentenced to be caned for drinking beer won a surprise reprieve Monday when religious officials delayed her punishment until after the fasting month of Ramadan.
Kartika Sari Dewi Shukarno, 32, was sentenced by a religious court last month to six strokes, making her the first woman to face caning under Islamic law in Malaysia, a moderate Muslim-majority country.
It transpires that the Department of Correctional Services outsource 886 contracts a year at a total cost of 1.1bn rand.
Smith said that an outsider supplied food for 23m per month. Other items include 5m per month for maintaining TV sets for 159 million rand, 667,000 for internal auditing, 4.95 million for training of junior middle managers etc.
Smith's exasperation came when he and his committee were told by officials that even a decision as to whether or not outsourcing was the best option for supplying services in prisons was itself outsourced to a private consultant at a cost of 1.1 million rand…
I am at loss for words..and do not have the energy to challenge this mindset…snigger snigger
Headline of the day…
Beer-drinking Muslim model wins caning reprieve
A Muslim model sentenced to be caned for drinking beer won a surprise reprieve Monday when religious officials delayed her punishment until after the fasting month of Ramadan.
Kartika Sari Dewi Shukarno, 32, was sentenced by a religious court last month to six strokes, making her the first woman to face caning under Islamic law in Malaysia, a moderate Muslim-majority country.
Monday, August 24, 2009
SA's finest beating a path of corruption
Is it any wonder why our criminals go unpunished, why we never see justice in this Wild West country of ours?
I remember driving through the Eastern Cape with Police officer 10 years ago on the way to report a theft at a local store as a student journalist. The officer pointed to a scattering of large brick homes with livestock on the plots of abundant land among the shacks in the area. "Those houses belong to policemen," he said. "It is very corrupt here," he added.
I was reminded of that incident a few weekends back when a friend got off lightly having been pulled over for driving under the influence of alcohol.
Having been made to take a breath test, he was found to be well over the legal limit. A weekend in a prison cell seemed a certainty for friend A until the brazen officer said: "How can we make this problem go away?"
Friend A, drunk yes, but no a fool you must understand, produced the last R200 he had left in his wallet, the rest had been handed out to various barmen during the course of the evening.
Before he could even ask if the said amount was enough? The money had changed hands and he was once a again a 'free man', relived that the following day could be spent on the couch, nursing a hangover, mobile in hand texting to all in his address book of how lucky he was for not having to contemplate having a backside the size of a clown's pocket.
I have heard that police officers can earn up to R5,000 on a weekend in bribe money, but that is just a number and we all know that the limited wages South Africa's finest are paid every month is in itself, highway robbery.
My biggest concern is that the purpose of pulling someone over for being over the legal alcohol limit is to prevent them from endangering the lives of others, and themselves.
Had friend A caused a accident resulting in the death of an innocent person after being let go by the police, who would have been to blame?
Nine out of ten people in Friend A's position would do exactly the same, pay and go, and that is just the nature of the environment in which we live. There are so many citizens breaking the law that it becomes law in itself. The attitude is too often...if he is doing it, then so can I…and what fine role models we have in the way of our uniformed protectors, beating a path of corruption for us all to follow.
So big up to the SAP and Metro Police…keep up the good work, here is hoping that only a hundred is required to see you off on my next weekend bender.
I almost fell off my chair, well because of the recession, our chairs have been taken away from us, we stand now at our desks, well I actually kneel, or it hurts my back, oh never mind.
I read an article this morning that a taxi driver had tried to brbe a road traffic blockade with R30 …well clearly it wasn’t enough…I mean how far will R30 get you, its an insult to out men in blue really.
Expert from the article…
The incident happened on Friday night when police mounted a roadblock on Lansdowne Road in Nyanga. Traffic fines totalling R20 900 were issued at the roadblock. Yes that was the official amount, but did they count the money that lined the pockets of the police?
One motorist who was pulled over jumped out of his vehicle and ran away. The vehicle was then impounded by police.
In another incident, a taxi driver was arrested and charged with defeating the ends of justice at a checkpoint at the intersection of Modderdam Road and Symphony Way.
Police say the driver lied to them about his licence and attempted to bribe a police officer with R30.
I remember driving through the Eastern Cape with Police officer 10 years ago on the way to report a theft at a local store as a student journalist. The officer pointed to a scattering of large brick homes with livestock on the plots of abundant land among the shacks in the area. "Those houses belong to policemen," he said. "It is very corrupt here," he added.
I was reminded of that incident a few weekends back when a friend got off lightly having been pulled over for driving under the influence of alcohol.
Having been made to take a breath test, he was found to be well over the legal limit. A weekend in a prison cell seemed a certainty for friend A until the brazen officer said: "How can we make this problem go away?"
Friend A, drunk yes, but no a fool you must understand, produced the last R200 he had left in his wallet, the rest had been handed out to various barmen during the course of the evening.
Before he could even ask if the said amount was enough? The money had changed hands and he was once a again a 'free man', relived that the following day could be spent on the couch, nursing a hangover, mobile in hand texting to all in his address book of how lucky he was for not having to contemplate having a backside the size of a clown's pocket.
I have heard that police officers can earn up to R5,000 on a weekend in bribe money, but that is just a number and we all know that the limited wages South Africa's finest are paid every month is in itself, highway robbery.
My biggest concern is that the purpose of pulling someone over for being over the legal alcohol limit is to prevent them from endangering the lives of others, and themselves.
Had friend A caused a accident resulting in the death of an innocent person after being let go by the police, who would have been to blame?
Nine out of ten people in Friend A's position would do exactly the same, pay and go, and that is just the nature of the environment in which we live. There are so many citizens breaking the law that it becomes law in itself. The attitude is too often...if he is doing it, then so can I…and what fine role models we have in the way of our uniformed protectors, beating a path of corruption for us all to follow.
So big up to the SAP and Metro Police…keep up the good work, here is hoping that only a hundred is required to see you off on my next weekend bender.
I almost fell off my chair, well because of the recession, our chairs have been taken away from us, we stand now at our desks, well I actually kneel, or it hurts my back, oh never mind.
I read an article this morning that a taxi driver had tried to brbe a road traffic blockade with R30 …well clearly it wasn’t enough…I mean how far will R30 get you, its an insult to out men in blue really.
Expert from the article…
The incident happened on Friday night when police mounted a roadblock on Lansdowne Road in Nyanga. Traffic fines totalling R20 900 were issued at the roadblock. Yes that was the official amount, but did they count the money that lined the pockets of the police?
One motorist who was pulled over jumped out of his vehicle and ran away. The vehicle was then impounded by police.
In another incident, a taxi driver was arrested and charged with defeating the ends of justice at a checkpoint at the intersection of Modderdam Road and Symphony Way.
Police say the driver lied to them about his licence and attempted to bribe a police officer with R30.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
What's in a name?
How does one acquire a nickname, stage name, pen name, or pet name these days?
I have a few including "trouser snake sex machine extraordinaire" which is often mentioned in the bedroom by so many past concubines – Yes it is a mouthful – the nickname that is…and shows the extent one can go to along with persistent use to ensure that a name sticks…
It depends on the friends, but I am boy to my sister, Ga to the other sister, Gareth when my mom is angry with me, Gary to a few old friends and my dad, monkey to past girlfriends and Vossie, or Vos – a shortened version of my surname and the name my dad went by to most these days. I am happy with any of those really.
Most recently it was worsie – but I will deny that to my grave… upon which my nickname will be RIP, like so many others six feet under.
Some football players have just taken it upon themselves to have one name, Ronaldo, Pele or the entire Brazilian National football team for that matter.
Former Fiji's national coach Ilivasi Tabua is known as the "human skewer" for his ferocious tackling.
Then there is Brian Lima "the chiropractor" – the samoan center who was known for his back breaking tackling ability.
"Iron Mike" Tyson was named for obvious reasons. In fact some of the more entertaining nicknames have come out of boxing stables…
Juan "The Hispanic Causing Panic" Lazcano
Homicide Hank (Henry Armstrong)
Michael "Second to" Nunn
Mike "The Body Snatcher" McCallumMike "The Bounty" Hunter
O'Neil "Give 'em Hell" BellOwen "What the Heck" Beck
Ray "Boom Boom" Mancini
Then there are the Italian mafia "Jonny "two toes" Marino, or Nicky "the hatchet" the first for er well having two toes on his left foot, and the other for his choice of weapon in the underworld.
Tommy Sneakers
Fat Richie
Jackie the Nose
The title that one gets in the Italian mafia is derived from a number of different sources. An individual may get a title based on his position in the organization or a particular family. Larry “The Boss” Pistone is a classic example of an Italian mafia name that belongs to a ring leader. Other Italian mafia names are performance based. Some names are used to indicate the potential dangers that the particular individual poses. Examples include Mickey “The Animal” Costelle” and Francesco “The wolf” Lonardo.
An Italian mafia name may be based on a personal attribute or skill of an individual member. Franky “The Weasel” Napotano or Stefano “Crazy eyes” Brasco
Physical characteristics also play an important role - Franky “the Stud” Luchhese is a classic.
I have a few including "trouser snake sex machine extraordinaire" which is often mentioned in the bedroom by so many past concubines – Yes it is a mouthful – the nickname that is…and shows the extent one can go to along with persistent use to ensure that a name sticks…
It depends on the friends, but I am boy to my sister, Ga to the other sister, Gareth when my mom is angry with me, Gary to a few old friends and my dad, monkey to past girlfriends and Vossie, or Vos – a shortened version of my surname and the name my dad went by to most these days. I am happy with any of those really.
Most recently it was worsie – but I will deny that to my grave… upon which my nickname will be RIP, like so many others six feet under.
Some football players have just taken it upon themselves to have one name, Ronaldo, Pele or the entire Brazilian National football team for that matter.
Former Fiji's national coach Ilivasi Tabua is known as the "human skewer" for his ferocious tackling.
Then there is Brian Lima "the chiropractor" – the samoan center who was known for his back breaking tackling ability.
"Iron Mike" Tyson was named for obvious reasons. In fact some of the more entertaining nicknames have come out of boxing stables…
Juan "The Hispanic Causing Panic" Lazcano
Homicide Hank (Henry Armstrong)
Michael "Second to" Nunn
Mike "The Body Snatcher" McCallumMike "The Bounty" Hunter
O'Neil "Give 'em Hell" BellOwen "What the Heck" Beck
Ray "Boom Boom" Mancini
Then there are the Italian mafia "Jonny "two toes" Marino, or Nicky "the hatchet" the first for er well having two toes on his left foot, and the other for his choice of weapon in the underworld.
Tommy Sneakers
Fat Richie
Jackie the Nose
The title that one gets in the Italian mafia is derived from a number of different sources. An individual may get a title based on his position in the organization or a particular family. Larry “The Boss” Pistone is a classic example of an Italian mafia name that belongs to a ring leader. Other Italian mafia names are performance based. Some names are used to indicate the potential dangers that the particular individual poses. Examples include Mickey “The Animal” Costelle” and Francesco “The wolf” Lonardo.
An Italian mafia name may be based on a personal attribute or skill of an individual member. Franky “The Weasel” Napotano or Stefano “Crazy eyes” Brasco
Physical characteristics also play an important role - Franky “the Stud” Luchhese is a classic.
Stage names, well most Hollywood actors have had their name changes before, and some amusing characters have showed themselves up in the world of wrestling - The undertaker, probably being the most famous, along with The Ultimate Warrior and Hulk Hogan...
Interestingly Arnold Alois Schwarzenegger never changed his name, but Michael Caine born Maurice Micklewhite.
Axle Rose was Bill Baily, and God knows what Jonny Rotten was.
Feel free to share your nicknames ...or overhheard pet names...
My favorite at this time is Fanta pants for any ginger folk – why are they so vilified? Does anyone care? sorry Lollo, for everything.
Are pet names and nicknames the same – probably not – snoekems, or teddy bear aren’t quite the same as John "the hammer"
Dick for Richard – no its Richard actually – and not Rick either that just sucks – dick – what? Exactly!
Others...
Elvis was the "the King" or the pelvis – take your pick
Liverpool fands called Robbie Fowler "God" he was that good.
Cherilyn LaPiere – is known as Sher
George Herman Ruth – Babe Ruth
William F. Cody - Buffalo Bill
William H. Bonney - Billy the Kid
Elvis was the "the King" or the pelvis – take your pick
Liverpool fands called Robbie Fowler "God" he was that good.
Cherilyn LaPiere – is known as Sher
George Herman Ruth – Babe Ruth
William F. Cody - Buffalo Bill
William H. Bonney - Billy the Kid
In Japan honorifics is idesigned so that term of endearment convey the exact status of the relationship between two people. However, the recipient of the honorific is allowed to restrict the use when used by a certain person.
And so they go on etc etc
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