While on the beach at Balito Bay over the holidays, I saw a couple walk onto the sand to set up 'camp'. The wife and her kids had arrived first to set up brolly, put out the towels etc. In the process of setting up, the wind picked up just as her hubby arrived with his unbuttoned shirt and PT shorts, he screamed Blue Bull rugby supporter…
The brolly blew across the sand and he sprinted after it, cussing and shouting arms and legs all over the shop akin to a banshee.
He picked up the sun blocker, and then proceeded to march back to his family, looking like a member of the SS youth, eyes and stomach bulging…
He threw the umbrella onto the sand and began to shout and swear at his wife, who shrunk into her chair with embarrassment as a near full beach looked on in amusement and then disgust and embarrassment. The two young daughters also shrivelled up like week old roses, towels wrapped around their innocent and fragile frames, despite the near blistering conditions.
When he was done making a complete fool out of himself, they all sat in silence for about ten minutes before packing up and leaving again, a perfectly good day on the beach ruined by a temper. At one stage the hubby came up to his wife's face as if to head-butt her and spat out more profanity, before trying to resolve the situation by opening up a beer and sitting smugly on a deckchair.
At one satge, I thought someone might have to get up and intervene, try and talk sense to the man….who had clearly lost his senses.
Where is the protocol? Should someone interfere?
The guy might have had a really bad year lost his business and forced to spend more money on holiday…
Here is what a relationship expert says about what not to do when in an argument with your spouse!
- Don’t say “you” “You don’t love me anymore,” is sure to tick your partner off. You can’t speak for someone else, remember. Rather say, “I feel as though you don’t love me anymore.”
- Never say never (and always) Because it’s simply not true and it’s a sure fire way to unproductive arguing.
- Listen and don’t think of what you’ll be saying next
According to most couples’ counsellors, this is the underlying issue in most fights. Listen to your partner. Because really, how can you fight if you don’t even know what the other person is unhappy about?
- Know each other’s weaknesses and steer the hell clear of them
Remember, this is a person you love. Also, you’ll want to make up again sometime, and every time you hurt someone’s feelings maliciously, it breaks down a small part of the relationship.
- Accept your partner’s fighting style
If she always cries in a fight, don’t let it anger you. If he needs to walk around a lot, let him.
- Stay on topic
Don’t fight about everything at the same time. That way lies madness.
- Don’t be automatically defensive
Maybe it’s not you. And if you stay off your horse you might be able to help your partner.
- Don’t fight after drinks
It’s just not worth it.
Here are a few footnotes about fighting as expressed by the South African public….
1) The best thing about fighting is the make up sex! (a perfectly good reson)
2) My wife & I fought a lot in the beginning stages of our relationship until we went for a personality test? (A what?)
That is when I saw why she acted the way she did and she saw why I acted the way I did, this taught me which buttons not to press and I can honestly say we had only one fight in the past 8 months because we know now WHY the other person gets mad and we can work through it …(Can you imagine if the personality doctor had told them that they weren’t suited?)
3) My husband and I fight a lot lately, almost about everything, but I realised that this is because we don't have make up sex anymore. He is suffering from a low libido and on the other side I am perfectly fine, so I never get enough sex. So I guess that's why I get so easily irritated….(read that again slowly and that logic is funnier the second time around)
4) I couldn't believe that yesterday my husband and I fought over NOTHING ! He went out with me and when WE came back together I was pissed at him, coz I thought he was gonna be tired and ignore me, as he was drunk.
The make up sex for that was FABULOUS. I've realised that if you need a GR8 SEX you must first check which mood you man is in, make sure that you cry on his shoulder and ask him how he can do this to you, after all you can not live without him. Make sure that you bath and go to bed FIRST, so that when he comes to the bedroom u'll be ready for him. BE CERTAIN NOT TO EXCEED YOUR LIMITATIONS, THOUGH.
(Love the bold)….really?
5) My boyfriend and I keep fighting everyday, I don't know maybe its because I am pregnant? (You cannot make this stuff up!
6) My wife and I we fight a lot especial when I need her or miss her now she told me that she does not have an interest in making love to me. (Wow that sucks…one word divorce that fat bitch!)
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