Diamond geezer

I noted with interest today that a 507 carat white diamond was discovered at the historic Cullinan mine near Joburg.
Initial examinations indicate that it is of exceptional colour and clarity, and most likely to be a Type I diamond.
At the same time and by complete coincidence, I read that the real life Lucy from the Beatles' song "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds" has died after a long fight against lupus.
Lucy Vodden died after battling the disease for years.
Vodden came to the attention of John Lennon when the Beatles' young son Julian came home from school one day with a drawing that he said was "Lucy in the sky with diamonds."
The elder Lennon turned it into a psychedelic masterpiece long associated with LSD use.
Julian Lennon reached out to Vodden in recent years as she suffered from the disease.
Lupus is a chronic illness during which the immune system attacks the body's own tissue….ouch
Additional diamond news sees a lavish breakfast, billed as the most expensive in the world, unveiled to mark the start of a West End production.
The £22,000 croissant, coffee and cocktail, created by the makers of Chambord, the French black raspberry liqueur, coincides with the opening of Breakfast At Tiffany's starring Anna Friel.
The meal includes a hand-decorated bejewelled croissant, covered in edible gold and diamonds, Bar le Duc hand-seeded redcurrant jam and a cup of Kopi Luwak coffee washed down with a Chambord and champagne cocktail worth more than £20,000.
The Chambord is served from a bottle of the liqueur encrusted with gold, diamonds and pearls worth 2.4 million US dollars (around £1.5 million) and topped up with Perrier Jouet Belle Epoque champagne. Sounds great but I think I am washing my hair that day…

In other news…Please note that the Gay Pride March will take place on the 3 October starting at 11.00 at the Zoo Lake Sports Club.
The parade will be followed by a march by all those people who wear striped pyjamas to bed on a Tuesday, and then a march by people whose names begin with P, and then followed by owners of red coloured pets…birds are welcome, but fish are advised to remain in their various bowls …
It’s a day for getting over it. You are gay, it is as much accepted now as any other minority group, who would have thought it, gays a minority group?…you are proud, I get that and am proud of you, really!
Can I just say…move on boys, queens and other stereotypical names we straight people like to name you by.
This is not a gay bashing exercise I promise, but you nolonger need to wear tight vests and talk in high pitched voices, its as subtle as a Rhino horn.
You don’t have to do that hand slapping bitch fight thing anymore to show off your sexual preference..ok now I am having a go…

Music and lyrical waxing

Music musings continued…my mom likes country music…Ok not the most riveting opening but I hope you might read on. I don't want to insult my mammies musical taste as country music has rhythm, a great beat and is generally quite entertaining. The muso generally sings about his/her life experience, the death of a dog, or the divorcing of a fifth wife etc and takes us through a journey, no matter how arbitrary.

Here are some cracking titles from the country genre..

I’d Like to Check You For Ticks
I Got Friends in Low Places
I’m So Much Cooler On-Line
I Ain’t As Good As I Once Was, But I’m Good, Once, As I Ever Was
Would You Like Fries With That, (the divorce song)
It’s 5 O’clock Somewhere
I’m Gonna Hire A Wino to Decorate our Home
Whiskey for My Men, Beer for My Horses
Get Drunk and Be Somebody
Jesus Loves You But I Don’t

Don’t say I never give you anything…Go and check out the lyrics…

On a local front, I had the pleasure of listening to a local Afrikaans radio station…my dad would be proud…the other day. A local singer was singing about his liefie Marriane…and how in love with her he was… until he decides he has had enough of his life, being proud and all that and shoots his entire family before taking his own life.
But now that sounds like a country and western song again…

Heep Hop is also generally quite entertaining too..they are always on about money, bling, watches sneakers, cars and the tangible things in life, oh and sex, a whole lot of it.

"I dont know whats better, getting laid or getting paid,I just know when I'm gettin one, the others' gettin away"- KanYe West with Dilated Peoples -"This Way"
"Cuz they're addicted, to what my dick did,the pleasure and pain the wing-ding inflicted"Eazy-E - "Grand Finale" –
"Damn homie, in high school you was the man homie,what the fuck happened to you?"50 Cent-

DJ spin that shit

My colleague has just revealed that he was once a DJ – not a dinner jacket…a Disc Jockey! Power to the vinyl then cause my colleague is sixty plus…
It made me wonder when exactly it was that the first man/woman declared him/herself king of selecting music for a mass audience…
I remember all the times at house parties when there was always one person who took charge of the music…sometimes to great success, but most times to loud boos and and spectacular failure…Come on we have all been there…ramming our personal musical tastes down others throats…
Having no idea when this demy god like job first came into being I decided to wikki wikki Wikipedia it!
The world's first radio disc jockey was Ray Newby, of Stockton, California. In 1909, at 16 years of age, Newby began regularly playing records on a small spark transmitter while a student at Herrold College of Engineering and Wireless, located in San Jose, California, under the authority of radio pioneer Charles "Doc" Herrold.
In 1935, American commentator Walter Winchell coined the term "disc jockey" (the combination of "disc" (referring to the disc records) and "jockey" (which is an operator of a machine) as a description of radio announcer Martin Block, the first announcer to become a star. While his audience was awaiting developments in the Lindbergh kidnapping, Block played records and created the illusion that he was broadcasting from a ballroom, with the nation’s top dance bands performing live. The show, which he called Make Believe Ballroom, was an instant hit. The term "disc jockey" appeared in print in Variety in 1941.
In 1943, Jimmy Savile launched the world's first DJ dance party by playing jazz records in the upstairs function room of the Loyal Order of Ancient Shepherds in Otley, England. In 1947, he became the first DJ to use twin turntables for continuous play. Also in 1947, the Whiskey à Go-Go nightclub opened in Paris, France, considered to be the world's first discothèque, or disco (deriving its name from the French word meaning a nightclub where the featured entertainment is recorded music rather than an on-stage band).
So there you have it…and so it continued and so it is possible that my colleague was a DJ…just perhaps not as I imagine a DJ to look, hawaian shirt buttoned half way up, or white muscle top and dark sun glasses nodding his head continuously, looking for some reaction from the crowd and pointing to the roof, with lips pursed every so often with a disco smile flashing across his self ritious face…Nice one brother!

Like a kick to the groin

Footballer David Beckham is the most suitable role model for children, according to a survey of British adults.
Not sure what that says about Britain then? more ems than Scouser Steven Gerard in an interview with Sky Sports after a footie game.
What about the good old days when men were men and women were men…Churchill, Maggie Thatcher (forget golden balls, balls of steel), Lord Horatio Nelson? Hello…the guy had one eye and lost an arm for the cause for goodness sakes…Rule, Britannia! Britannia, rules the waves!
Can you imagine David Beckham going down in folklore as a dominant leader who took Britain to the top of the pile again…er I think not, although a five foot something with a very gay name and even more gay hat had France in the running for a while…
By contrast, the least suitable idols were Homer Simpson, the slobbish, beer-swilling dad, followed by foul-mouthed chef Gordon Ramsay and British Prime Minister Gordon Brown. Now hang on a dang minute…Homer is a great role model…he is great dad, loves his kids, he loves beer, we all love beer, and most of all he adores Marge and provides for his family…
Beckham was rated a "very good" role model by 19% of those surveyed and "good" by 36%.
In second place on the list was David Cameron, the leader of Britain's main opposition Conservative Party..It gets worse then! He is the twat who rides everywhere on a bicycle and who looks like the kid who was bullied at school for being, well a twat.
More than 2,000 people were quizzed for the research, which was carried out online in March by Opinium Research.
But lets get back to Becks…the loveable rogue with a squeaky voice…least people forget that he had an affair with Rebecca Loos, who jerked off a pig… and he has been caught on a dozen occasions eyeing out the LA Laker girls…great role model then.
Metro sexual role models here we come…I bet becks spends more money on grooming products than the set of Sex and the City, and more time in the bathroom than his wife, who cant even see herself in the mirror when she is facing sideways, except all the fake bits…so that would be her lips, her tits and her ass!
Anyway this is making me sound jealous, so I had better stop here. In his defense the man does know a thing or too about football, and marketing…so kudos to him, but role model…I would say more model!So who is my role model I hear you all ask…my diplomatic answer would be moms who raise their kids, doctors who save lives, nurses who make sick people feel better, fireman who save lives, policeman who brave the streets, wives who walk away from their abusing husbands, the list is endless…

Why I love Banana boxes

For all those people born after 1985, look away now.
When I growing up I used to travel down to the Natal South Coast to visit my grandparents during most holidays.
For me, it meant three things – sun, sea, and Readers Digest. My nanna and gramps used to subscribe to the great magazine and had banana boxes full of old editions collected since, well probably the 2nd Great War.
My particular favourites were All in a Day's Work and Humour in Uniform…jokes and real lifers submitted by the readers themselves, amid the true life stories like: I survived 35 days in the forest by eating my brother…

Apparently one of the early stories sent in: A wealthy New Yorker, "dressed in the Abercrombie & Fitch version of What a Man Should Wear in the Wilderness," walks up to a laconic Maine lobsterman. "I see you are using fish bait for lobsters. You think it's good, do you?" he asks. The lobsterman shakes his head. "No, I don't. But the lobsters do."
Brilliant…Since then, readers have sent us over 20 million true stories and jokes, about 100,000 of which have been published.

One of them I read reminded me of my visit to the cinema last night. I had a the unfortunate experience of having to sit infront of two ladies who continued to talk to each other throughout the entire film…OK, not all of it, but it sometimes felt like it…

Do the Right Thing5. Watching a movie recently, I couldn't hear the dialogue over the chatter of the two women in front of me. Unable to bear it any longer, I tapped one of them on the shoulder. "Excuse me," I said. "I can't hear." "I should hope not," she answered. "This is a private conversation."
Anyway, I enjoyed some of the best as edited by RD….
http://www.rd.com/clean-jokes-and-laughs/our-50-funniest-true-stories/article93740.html

The farest of us all

A local website has the following five questions woman really dont like their men asking:

1 - Are you going to be much longer?

She hears : Here I am sitting on my backside waiting in the car, while you are packing the baby’s bag, sorting out the dog, wrapping the birthday present, dealing with YOUR mother’s phonecall, setting the alarm and locking the house. What is taking you so long?

Why does this question irritate women?

This question merely reveals your husband/boyfriend’s complete lack of understanding about what it takes to get ready to go on the road. And this is what makes women angry. Leave it to the man in your life, and you will arrive at the party without a present, without clean nappies for the baby, and to top it all, a call from the alarm company, saying the armed response says the dog is trotting around inside the house and they hope that is what set off the alarm.

I agree with this one, men are impatient and woman take longer because they think of things men dont so well done them.

2 - Don’t you think you should start running again?

A perfectly honest question? but can I just say that it is probably worded wrong...Perhaps a more polite way would be to ask if they would care to join the gym, with you, or take a run together?

Either way if she is getting fat...that concern needs to be aired, surely?

3 - What’s for supper? I think this one is possibly outdated..perhaps a question asked by my dad, but unless my partner has volunteered to cook a meal, that would be the only time I would say..great, what are you cooking?

4 - What was your previous boyfriend like?

She hears: I don’t like the thought of your being with anyone else, even if I didn’t know you then. I really want to hear that he was a right royal jerk, useless in bed, couldn’t hold down a job and generally disliked by all your family and friends.

Why does this question irritate women?It makes them feel cornered – previous boyfriends are actually private territory and have nothing to do with present relationships. When women are hesitant to discuss previous relationships, men often react as if they are somehow being excluded and as if the woman has something to hide.

I do agree with this one I have to say. Whatever is said about the ex it is never going to make either party happy unless there are lies exchanged ie: he was fat, had acne, a two inch penis, a smelly fish breath and was homeless, but other than that he was a perfect gentlemen. Even then, what does that say about you that she went out with such a loser.
Intriguing as it may be to find out what the ex was like so as to try to compare youself, stay clear if possible, think about the future , unless the boyfriend/girlfriend is still in the picture, in which case deeper more meaningful discussions may be necessary?

5 - Who was that you were talking to?

Now if I have asked this question in the past, it has only been to show interest, or somethimes I can asee that that my partner wants to discuss the call she just had - Otherwise I couldnt care less who she/he was talking too - if they had something to hide, they wouldnt be talking on the phone in such an obvious manner - in other words dump them for being a moron.

I am hoping Zoe and Rebecca and Lollo might be able to add to this list...go on girls -

Here are a few questions that men dont particulalrly like:

Does my bum look big in this?
Do you think she’s pretty? It depends if your bum looks big in what she is wearing ha ha jokes.
Do you love me?
I dont know what to ear - er try something in your cupboard...

Kadhafi V Rourke separated at birth

They even outsource their decisions on outsourcing

The exasperated chairman of Parliaments correctional services committee, Vincent Smith, has expressed concern about the numbers of services the prison departments has been outsourcing.
It transpires that the Department of Correctional Services outsource 886 contracts a year at a total cost of 1.1bn rand.
Smith said that an outsider supplied food for 23m per month. Other items include 5m per month for maintaining TV sets for 159 million rand, 667,000 for internal auditing, 4.95 million for training of junior middle managers etc.
Smith's exasperation came when he and his committee were told by officials that even a decision as to whether or not outsourcing was the best option for supplying services in prisons was itself outsourced to a private consultant at a cost of 1.1 million rand…

I am at loss for words..and do not have the energy to challenge this mindset…snigger snigger

Headline of the day…

Beer-drinking Muslim model wins caning reprieve
A Muslim model sentenced to be caned for drinking beer won a surprise reprieve Monday when religious officials delayed her punishment until after the fasting month of Ramadan.
Kartika Sari Dewi Shukarno, 32, was sentenced by a religious court last month to six strokes, making her the first woman to face caning under Islamic law in Malaysia, a moderate Muslim-majority country.