Monday, August 24, 2009

SA's finest beating a path of corruption


Is it any wonder why our criminals go unpunished, why we never see justice in this Wild West country of ours?
I remember driving through the Eastern Cape with Police officer 10 years ago on the way to report a theft at a local store as a student journalist. The officer pointed to a scattering of large brick homes with livestock on the plots of abundant land among the shacks in the area. "Those houses belong to policemen," he said. "It is very corrupt here," he added.
I was reminded of that incident a few weekends back when a friend got off lightly having been pulled over for driving under the influence of alcohol.
Having been made to take a breath test, he was found to be well over the legal limit. A weekend in a prison cell seemed a certainty for friend A until the brazen officer said: "How can we make this problem go away?"
Friend A, drunk yes, but no a fool you must understand, produced the last R200 he had left in his wallet, the rest had been handed out to various barmen during the course of the evening.
Before he could even ask if the said amount was enough? The money had changed hands and he was once a again a 'free man', relived that the following day could be spent on the couch, nursing a hangover, mobile in hand texting to all in his address book of how lucky he was for not having to contemplate having a backside the size of a clown's pocket.
I have heard that police officers can earn up to R5,000 on a weekend in bribe money, but that is just a number and we all know that the limited wages South Africa's finest are paid every month is in itself, highway robbery.
My biggest concern is that the purpose of pulling someone over for being over the legal alcohol limit is to prevent them from endangering the lives of others, and themselves.
Had friend A caused a accident resulting in the death of an innocent person after being let go by the police, who would have been to blame?
Nine out of ten people in Friend A's position would do exactly the same, pay and go, and that is just the nature of the environment in which we live. There are so many citizens breaking the law that it becomes law in itself. The attitude is too often...if he is doing it, then so can I…and what fine role models we have in the way of our uniformed protectors, beating a path of corruption for us all to follow.
So big up to the SAP and Metro Police…keep up the good work, here is hoping that only a hundred is required to see you off on my next weekend bender.

I almost fell off my chair, well because of the recession, our chairs have been taken away from us, we stand now at our desks, well I actually kneel, or it hurts my back, oh never mind.
I read an article this morning that a taxi driver had tried to brbe a road traffic blockade with R30 …well clearly it wasn’t enough…I mean how far will R30 get you, its an insult to out men in blue really.
Expert from the article…
The incident happened on Friday night when police mounted a roadblock on Lansdowne Road in Nyanga. Traffic fines totalling R20 900 were issued at the roadblock. Yes that was the official amount, but did they count the money that lined the pockets of the police?
One motorist who was pulled over jumped out of his vehicle and ran away. The vehicle was then impounded by police.
In another incident, a taxi driver was arrested and charged with defeating the ends of justice at a checkpoint at the intersection of Modderdam Road and Symphony Way.
Police say the driver lied to them about his licence and attempted to bribe a police officer with R30.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

What's in a name?


How does one acquire a nickname, stage name, pen name, or pet name these days?
I have a few including "trouser snake sex machine extraordinaire" which is often mentioned in the bedroom by so many past concubines – Yes it is a mouthful – the nickname that is…and shows the extent one can go to along with persistent use to ensure that a name sticks…
It depends on the friends, but I am boy to my sister, Ga to the other sister, Gareth when my mom is angry with me, Gary to a few old friends and my dad, monkey to past girlfriends and Vossie, or Vos – a shortened version of my surname and the name my dad went by to most these days. I am happy with any of those really.
Most recently it was worsie – but I will deny that to my grave… upon which my nickname will be RIP, like so many others six feet under.
Some football players have just taken it upon themselves to have one name, Ronaldo, Pele or the entire Brazilian National football team for that matter.
Former Fiji's national coach Ilivasi Tabua is known as the "human skewer" for his ferocious tackling.
Then there is Brian Lima "the chiropractor" – the samoan center who was known for his back breaking tackling ability.
"Iron Mike" Tyson was named for obvious reasons. In fact some of the more entertaining nicknames have come out of boxing stables…
Juan "The Hispanic Causing Panic" Lazcano
Homicide Hank (Henry Armstrong)
Michael "Second to" Nunn
Mike "The Body Snatcher" McCallumMike "The Bounty" Hunter
O'Neil "Give 'em Hell" BellOwen "What the Heck" Beck
Ray "Boom Boom" Mancini

Then there are the Italian mafia "Jonny "two toes" Marino, or Nicky "the hatchet" the first for er well having two toes on his left foot, and the other for his choice of weapon in the underworld.
Tommy Sneakers
Fat Richie
Jackie the Nose
The title that one gets in the Italian mafia is derived from a number of different sources. An individual may get a title based on his position in the organization or a particular family. Larry “The Boss” Pistone is a classic example of an Italian mafia name that belongs to a ring leader. Other Italian mafia names are performance based. Some names are used to indicate the potential dangers that the particular individual poses. Examples include Mickey “The Animal” Costelle” and Francesco “The wolf” Lonardo.
An Italian mafia name may be based on a personal attribute or skill of an individual member. Franky “The Weasel” Napotano or Stefano “Crazy eyes” Brasco
Physical characteristics also play an important role - Franky “the Stud” Luchhese is a classic.

Stage names, well most Hollywood actors have had their name changes before, and some amusing characters have showed themselves up in the world of wrestling - The undertaker, probably being the most famous, along with The Ultimate Warrior and Hulk Hogan...

Interestingly Arnold Alois Schwarzenegger never changed his name, but Michael Caine born Maurice Micklewhite.
Axle Rose was Bill Baily, and God knows what Jonny Rotten was.

Feel free to share your nicknames ...or overhheard pet names...
My favorite at this time is Fanta pants for any ginger folk – why are they so vilified? Does anyone care? sorry Lollo, for everything.

Are pet names and nicknames the same – probably not – snoekems, or teddy bear aren’t quite the same as John "the hammer"
Dick for Richard – no its Richard actually – and not Rick either that just sucks – dick – what? Exactly!

Others...
Elvis was the "the King" or the pelvis – take your pick
Liverpool fands called Robbie Fowler "God" he was that good.
Cherilyn LaPiere – is known as Sher
George Herman Ruth – Babe Ruth
William F. Cody - Buffalo Bill
William H. Bonney - Billy the Kid

In Japan honorifics is idesigned so that term of endearment convey the exact status of the relationship between two people. However, the recipient of the honorific is allowed to restrict the use when used by a certain person.
And so they go on etc etc

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

The windows of the soul

I am in my early thirties, white and South African. I moved back to South Africa in December, following eight good years living in the United Kingdom. Since my return, I have struggled to get past the utter contempt shown by indigenous people towards minorities in this country.
Everyday I get a look of utter hatred from a complete stranger, everyday! The hatred in their eyes hurts like hell, but it soon becomes a 'bugger you jack' as my natural defensive nature kicks in.
I am hated for being white? No! That can't be right, surely? It has been too long since the end of Apartheid for that. It’s the ANC who have been running the show here now for many years, enough to break that terrible legacy? The ANC has been in power for long enough to make the changes that were needed and mould the country into their shape…that’s a whole new essay in itself.
I get that look of contempt from all ages, old and young – from teenagers even, younger than the system of apartheid, so one cannot even look to lay the blame it its doorstep …why then? Is it a genetic thing? Is this hatred still being passed down from generation to generation-through tales atrocities during the 60-80s?
If that is the case, it makes me think that Nelson Mandela is truly a man to be celebrated for his forgiveness and his progressive mindset.
I am tired of having to apologise for the colour of my skin, for working damn hard to be where I am and for driving a car, or owning a house, wearing a designer label…contributing to the economy. It's my given right as a South African, as an African. I am just as much an African as those who stare me down…and I try hard everyday to be proud of this broken country.
However, it is so far from being healed its frightening and its nolonger about apartheid (the sooner people get that chip off their shoulder the sooner we can all move on).
I do not profess to ignore our history as it was a despicable thing, but when I see a young girl with daggers in her eyes look at me, a complete stranger for no reason, it makes me think that it has to be something else.
I am open to answers and I would be the first to put into place that solution, but I am past feeling guilty…we all created this mess, so lets all work together to sort it out.
Dare I say that reverse racism is rife here in this country, but as a minority it’s a case of so what - deal with it.
The calling of obscenities by taxi drivers on white drivers, when they push in and get an annoyed hoot, or a frustrated flash of light to make them aware of their inconsiderate and dangerous driving is only one small encounter of many on a daily basis. Hell I only need walk down.
I cant wait for the World Cup in 2010 as it is going to be a brilliant event, but if people think that it is going to solve all the countries issues, they are sadly mistaken – its in the eyes.
Viva? whatever...

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Sports for brekkie, lunch and dinner


I am a sports nut - I remember every important event in my life, namely the day I first bumped uglies, and the day I broke up with my first girlfriend (which was in spite of the Boks playing, not because of by the way) through a sporting event that either took place on the day, or was at least within the nearest ball park…so to speak.
It’s a really good thing too, because I am crap at remembering dates, but I can tell you what day the 1996 Currie Cup Final was played and between whom, and the winner in a single breathe, phew.
I mentioned this to a friend the other day, and their comment was contrite…you watch too much sport!

It kind of makes me think…what would life be without sports? Would people be less competitive? No there is business for that, and traffic of course… there wouldn’t be so many beef heads out there?
Would we all look like Americans – fat and lipo-sucked to shit with whiter than white teeth? Homer Simpsonesque… mmm donuts, mmm Duff beer, but why drink beer if there is no telly with sport on to enjoy?

Without sports there wouldn’t be some cracking quotes either…Don’t worry I am not going to get all Jerry Mafucken guire on you..

Ok maybe close…this one from Shaquille O'Neal I am pretty sure enspired the movie in the first place…
I'm tired of hearing about money, money, money, money, money. I just want to play the game, drink Pepsi, wear Reebok.

Doctors and scientists said that breaking the four-minute mile was impossible, that one would die in the attempt. Thus, when I got up from the track after collapsing at the finish line, I figured I was dead. - Roger Bannister four minute mile legend

Whoever said, 'It's not whether you win or lose that counts,' probably lost. Matina Navratilova… tennis player who knew a thing or two about the game…

One of my favourites…
Some people think football is a matter of life and death. I don't like that attitude. I can assure them it is much more serious than that. Bill Shankly

If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough. Mario (I am never getting into a race car with him…ever) Andretti
Amen